Toilet Everything I needed to understand about life, economics, and recycling, I learned from my toilet seat (more or less).

A toilet seat is not a very elegant topic for an essay, but, if we can be candid, it is a subject that is dear to many of our hearts — and points beyond.  My toilet seat was getting a bit rickety.  It’s a firm oak blend, nicely polished, but the screws were falling out, and I thought maybe I could get one of those luxurious soft plastic seats — and maybe even one that was heated!  Nothing like the setup of my friend who has a toilet that lowers the seat, washes your bottom with a warm soapy spray, and then blows you dry. Your hands never have to touch your body. Imagine… But my concerns are far more pedestrian when it comes to this creaky oak toilet seat.

I went down to the hardware store, and there was a rack of plastic, padded, and oak seats, and even a heated one. I evaluated them in terms of comfort, durability, and where they were manufactured.  I am a bit particular about where I park some of my most valuable terrain. Most were made in China and, as I am on a personal boycott to avoid products from China whenever possible, I found my choices reduced to a few wooden models from Brazil, one of which looked like it came from a hardwood forest.  Between opposing China, with its ongoing genocide in Tibet and its egregious human rights records, and opposing the destruction of the rain forests in Brazil, and given my reticence to import toilet seats from exotic locales merely to meet the all-important needs of my posterior, I was in a quandary. The matter of what I sit on in the morning for my constitutional may be of interest only to me; nevertheless, wars have been waged over far less. When I factored in the price tags, which jumped from cheap to costly, I realized this wasn’t a decision I could take lightly. As all great philosophers and scholars do, I realized there needed to be a deeper level of awareness.

I returned to the seat of my throne and connected with my primal soul. And, though the seat creaked and groaned a bit, I realized that my antiquated toilet seat suited me just fine.  I didn’t really need a fancy seat from China.  And, by all means, let’s save the rainforests of Brazil!


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